Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
With your idiosyncrasies
You make a decision
And you know it is right
While I waited outside
With bated breath
Two years of toil
A disoriented mind
This is all I'd wanted
And it is in your hand
The beacon of my life
A grasp and a half away
Then you tighten your fist
Decide it's not for me
Good luck for the next, you say
And the pain is all mine
Your burdened decision
My life, my dreams,
Snatched in a jiffy
It was just not your day
I walk away numb
That doesn't make sense
It's an abyss of hurt
Of fear and rejection
I feel it's the end
As I lay motionless
But then the birds chirp,
I see the silver sky
I dust myself off
Brace myself for a new day
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
- Starting, albeit a tad selfishly, with myself - one of the happiest days of my life! I don’t remember being happier or prouder or screaming louder in years! A day worth putting in a box and saving for life.
- I realized that nothing, nothing at all, brings people closer than cricket. Here we were, a hundred girls, most of us unknown to the other, rooting for one common cause. Screaming ourselves hoarse, applauding every boundary, cheering every save, every wicket. And at the end of it all, laughing, crying, hugging. Bonding.
- Learn. Learn humility. Humility in victory. Humility in defeat. An instant respect for Kumar Sangakara for being the brave soldier in defeat, for saying that India was the better team, for lauding his team yet accepting the lost battle gracefully.
- Respect for the one man who deserved it the most. Fighting for the one piece of silverware holding him back from his otherwise impeccable record. For his twenty-one years long career, for his unwavering loyalty to the country. For Sachin Tendulkar.
- The closeness of the team. The warm, tender kinship they share. Their hugs together; and their tears. One tightly-knit family. And now bound together for their lives.
- The sheer enthusiasm of the youngsters; their respect for the senior players. Kohli’s words still ringing, “He carried the nation’s burdens on his shoulders for twenty one years. It was time we carried him on our shoulders.” What commendable gratitude.
- Candid, outspoken honesty. Dhoni’s lack of diplomacy at the presentation ceremony came as a whiff of fresh air. The fact that he acknowledged what questions would have been shot at him if India had lost, the eye brows that would have risen, just goes to show what he probably goes through after every lost match. We all owe a deep apology to the team for all the umpteen times we bad mouthed them for making one small mistake, for taking one wrong decision; for being human?!
- We walk into history today. With the end of a twenty eight years old wait, with a cup in our hands. But more importantly, with so many lessons learnt. A salute to the men who taught us so much in one day. A salute to the Indian cricket team.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I hung back after school that day. The serenity of the long, empty corridors crashed upon me like a wave of cool breeze on a sunny afternoon. It invigorated me; I felt free. Free of the metal chains that bound me every morning as I headed to school.
Free of the contemptuous expressions.
Free of the angry glares, and of the scared faces.
Free of the constant buzzing in my head, and of the occasional screaming.
There is nothing wrong with me! I’m a normal, sane, twelve year old girl.
I remember sobbing and screaming through the night of the big storm, years back. The clapping thunder sent shudders down my spine, and I thought my head would burst at its invisible seams. I wish it had.
Mother, scared to her wits, had rushed me to the hospital to get my screaming to a halt. I was heavily sedated but the words of the doctor reached me, and I remember them as if they were spoken yesterday.
Ligyrophobia. Fear of loud noises. Maybe even hyperacusis.
Seeing the horrified expression on mother’s face, he continued, “Just think of it this way- a pen falling sounds like a gunshot to her. There is nothing wrong with your daughter, Ma’am. She just needs you to not think that she’s a freak.”
Mother has called me a freak so many times after that, that I have lost count.
I have mastered the art of shutting out my auditory senses when I need to. It has been difficult, but I have been persistent. Save a few incidents; like today. In geography class. I’d sat agitated as I realized the constant murmuring in class was gradually gaining momentum. I looked at Sister Augustine as she furiously scribbled away, silently begging her to ask the class to settle down. But she didn’t. The voices grew like a rising inferno around me; surrounding me, smothering me; till they grew to a level beyond my endurance.
The next thing I knew, I was sprawled across the floor, my hands clamped against my ears, screaming uncontrollably. I knew Sister Augustine and the students had encircled me; I knew they were whispering. I could sense the scared faces, and I heard sobbing too. I didn’t care. They were indistinct, shapeless forms to me. Blurred and insignificant.
There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m sane; I wanted to shout at them. Hold each one by the shoulders, and shake and rattle them till it became engraved in them.
The empty corridors after school, however, were cathartic. I walked around in a trance, savouring the quiet solitude. And then I heard the whispering.
She’s crazy, you should have seen her on the floor today. I think she does it intentionally, to get everybody’s attention.
Jamie. The closest friend I had.
There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m sane. I thought you knew.
I walked around looking for the school cat. Kitty, come to me. Kitty. The big, black cat followed me all the way to the fourth floor. Meowing.
Yes, I know, you probably think I’m crazy too. But I’m not. Come, kitty. Keep close.
Class 9A. In one fluid motion, I picked up the teacher’s desk and brought it crashing down on the cat’s head. I didn’t give her a chance to react. Stupid cat. I looked at her mangled body, her green eyes still open.
A shocked look.
I grabbed her by her tail and dragged it around with me as I roamed about the dark, empty school corridors.
There's nothing wrong with me.